Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Taking to the Task

Proof that I'm not alone (or that you're not alone): Billy had a bad weekend too. And so did I. Yep, the paradigm of perfection ;) had a bad weekend food-wise. (I actually laugh at myself because my brain wants to think I'm perfect, but I know I'm very far from that- I have waaay too many imperfect days!)

So, yes, it was kind of an odd weekend. I had a fish fry supper on Friday followed by a few pieces of fat-full chocolate, and since I was already coming off of a well-fed week (I believe I actually ate AT maintenance last week), it didn't feel so great. Then on Saturday, I just kinda ate my way through the day, even though I wasn't hungry at all. My daughter has been sick since Saturday, so we're operating on little sleep and lack of workouts (no excuse here- I've got kettlebells sitting right next to my desk, and I just didn't do it). I also used the weekend to work hardcore on my thesis (and am up to a grand total of... 4 pages. Yep. Two sentences per every hour worked so far...). However, I'm not really beating myself up about it. I did a little bit on Sunday evening, but otherwise, I don't linger on that stuff anymore. I gave it up about one year ago, to be precise, and it definitely keeps me happier, or at least out of a rut.

However, one of the reasons I feel this was an odd weekend is because, when I didn't WANT to eat, it kinda felt like my husband was forcing me to. I let slip last week somewhere that I'm really starting to see muscle definition, and perhaps he's starting to feel threatened. I would say "I'm not hungry" and he would go on and on about "what should we make for supper?" or, "I made this, it's really good, you should try it" (implying hurt feelings if I didn't). So. I hate having the food conversations with my hubby because, honestly, he lives with it all the time. He knows what I prefer, and knows exactly how to push my buttons so that I don't follow through on those intentions. Most of it is because he feels threatened. He wants to stay in his old ways, and trying new foods is a scary thing (even though he usually likes what I make). And yes, he is on the verge of being called obese. (Don't say that to his face, he's not quite at that "click" moment yet, although he's come close a couple of times.) And I know he doesn't read my blog, so for some strange reason I'm putting his problems out to the world. Likely because they become my problems. I've allowed him to hold me back, because when I try to forge ahead, he pushes back. Hmm. I'll have to give more thought about that.

So I still wasn't very hungry yesterday. I ate lunch, and was like, sheesh, I didn't even want to eat that. So, I ate a small supper last night, and just stopped there. Yep, I'm doing it- the fast. Die-hard "will-not-do-it" is doing it. I won't be able to go the full 24 hours unless I want to turn it into 30 as I've got class, so I'll be breaking fast at around 5 p.m. I'm not great right now, but I'm okay. I had to add some sea salt to my water, since I seem to get nauseous when I drink water right away in the morning without any food in my stomach, and I think it did the trick.

I'll have to do an update later on how the rest of the day goes.


billy said...

That's quite an issue with your husband. Sounds like you two aren't on the same page, that's tough. Good luck on your fast. It's not that hard, you can do it!

Rob Tucker said...

As a married guy who obsesses about this stuff, I know that sometimes I talk about it way too much and I can imagine Erin's tired of hearing about it. She's great about understanding (most of the time ;)) that this is for my good - and in turn, her good. Your husband has to realize this.

Just tell him that he's getting an upgrade - sometimes it's a matter of thinking that he's falling behind perhaps, and forgetting that moving YOU forward is moving both of you forward, not separating the two of you.

Ripx180 said...

Hopefully you can get your husband on board the healthy lifestyle. that would make things so much easier for you. I can somewhat understand what you are talking about. My wife is pretty good about diet but she is near impossible to get to work out. Plus she is prego right now which makes diet and exercise less important to her right now. I kind of feel like I have to always be the foundation of our healthy lifestyle. If I am not she will easily crumble and it takes me with her. I know we have to do this for ourselves but it sure is helpful if your partner is on board. So I guess what I am trying to say Is I feel you. I think its time for you to have a heart to heart conversation with the hubby. especially if he could handle to loose some weight too. Tell him you want to keep him around healthy and happy for a long time etc. My wife has said a few things to me along the way about my weight and its always stuck close to my heart even when it was a little hurtful (given it was honest and true). Anyway keep on fighting the good fight.

Carrie said...

Yeah, the same page with the diet thing has been around for as long as we've been married (almost 5 years). Mostly, it's because I made the initial change in the year before we got married, and then didn't keep it up right after (I got preggers RIGHT away..ahem..).

So yes, we've had the heart to heart. A few times. I do believe that I may just have to dig in my heels and not let him take over (I don't let him take over in any other areas of my life, so why this one?). That may be what produces the change. Well, that and living together during the week would help, rather than this weekend situation we've been doing with his job for the past 1.5 years...