Ahhh...owch!

Got my first concentrated workout in yesterday for the first time in a long while. It felt so good. I also convinced myself that I definitely am not out of shape! My muscles are pretty surprised though, they are sore today.

I went somewhat easy on the workout, but I didn't wimp out. I did 10 minutes of warm-up (bodyweight squats, full-body push-ups, the hamstring exercise I can't remember the name to, but pretty much involves laying on the floor, lifting your butt, and sticking out one leg- it really puts a nice charlie horse in the ham!). After that, I did 5 minutes of kettlebell swings with a 25 lb bell, then did 20 minutes on the treadmill with 1 minute running and 2 minutes walking. Running wasn't too hard, I could tell that my exercise this summer focused more on endurance and less on sprint-type exercises. That would have been the long trail walks, up and down hills and around rocks, and the long paddles in the canoe. And to think, I hadn't even been focusing on the endurance thing.

I also keep thinking about the whole maintenance issue, and wonder about it. I maintained my weight this summer, despite eating a heckuva lot of food (it was in constant abundance, and I'll talk about some of my emotional issues with it later). However, at one point during the summer, I became irrationally scared that I had gained 10 pounds, and my body responded by looking like it had. I got home, worked through a couple of things, and my body went back to pre-summer (in less than a week).

So, here's what I'm thinking: I think there's a huge, underlying issue that virtually gets ignored by anyone who is trying to lose weight. And most of it has to do with how we feel about ourselves in THIS MOMENT. Generally, if we're losing weight (or trying to lose weight), it's because we hate ourselves on some level. And if we're scared of gaining weight back, it's because we hate ourselves on some level. And if we've come to a standstill in the whole weight-loss process, then it's because we hate ourselves on some level. Actually, I think that one means we hate ourselves on a lot of levels. And if you hate me for saying this, then look into yourself. Ask yourself honestly.

Honestly, I'm still working through it myself, so we'll see where it goes. Like I said, I read "Zero Limits" and "The Key" this summer. The book I'm writing in spurts forced me to go back to childhood and high school memories that I had buried pretty deep, and made me a bit sick to think about and sift through. These were memories that I had used, on some level, to keep me going during the hard times of weight loss. However, they were also the ones that were keeping me from finding peace with myself, and caused me to irrationally fear that I had gained 10 pounds (and my body reacted to that fear by presenting it in a physical manner). Once I worked through some of that, my body shed those 10 pounds pretty much overnight. There's alot to this mind-body stuff, and I'm still learning and figuring it out. I'll likely be writing more about it as I work through it.

As it is, I've come to one conclusion: food is a matter of thought. It is what you think of it, and your body will react in the way you truly believe it will (under the surface. You know, that gut feeling you get). Society has programmed many things into us, and I'm starting to believe there's an underlying structure to humankind in and of itself, that isn't based just on this generation of society, but all of history. It gets pretty thick.

Anyway, that's enough philosophy for me!

We downloaded Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl from RiffTrax (think Mystery Science Theater 3000 without the robots), and I've been trying to watch that and write at the same time. I don't think it's working- till later!